Afterthought

Distance is as much a cure, as it is a curse.

Monotonous routines, turned through a tiresome system until the element of surprise has become a foreign concept. Space, a much needed respite from the mediocrity of everyday life.

Still, time away transforms into startled cries of realization and unsupported why’s. Learning through lonesome now, an unexpected feat, lack of preparation unsteadies planted feet.

Damned to discover inalienable truths that redefine one’s self description. Threatened by the looming nature of perdurable idiosyncratic distinctions.

A self-diagnosed sesquipedalian, amongst other things. She uses extensive words to describe the breadth between her mind and the emotions she fails to think.

Distance is the revelation of sweet peculiarities that right you when you’ve slipped, returning you to a place of sentimental doting. On the brink of one, easily slipping to another. Am I she? Am I her? And who is me?

I love me, I love me not.

   One letter away from

        Effecting internal change

Distance is as much a curse, as it is a cure.

Post-read listen: “Sail Away With Me” – Styx

Life Update – Oct. 7, 2018

No matter what language you speak, or culture you participate in, you have heard some version of the phrase: everything happens for a reason. This may be the case, but when your final reward is ten degrees distanced from today’s disappointment, it’s difficult to see this way.

A few weeks ago, I had the idea of creating a magazine. MESSY, an independent mag solely focused on spreading the truth. Much alike this blog, I had planned to discuss mental health, to write fun articles that were more a magazine style than anything else I had featured previously here; peeks into the different worlds that exist in the caverns of my mind.

Whereas I had felt that I had lost my voice writing for this blog, I had rediscovered it in the pages of that digital mag. Here’s the sitch: all of my work was inextricably erased, wiped, hours reduced to nothing.

I know, I should have backed up my writing. I should have taken a screenshot of each page, but I didn’t, and I have to live the consequences of that. It is impossible to prepare for every potential outcome. You’re always going to face a challenge for which you were not prepared. Losing that magazine was the first time I had ever given up on something so swiftly and with such a finality that hardly anything could persuade me to bring it back.

For now, I’ll continue to blog here. I have fixed a few kinks that were screwing up the layout and general aesthetic. Previously unable to determine the cause, I admit I was a bit rash in my decision to take a break from the blog. Nevertheless, this time away has been great. I have many more stories to share, so if you fancy hearing more about my pothole of a life, continue reading.

And if you’re new here, then welcome to MESSY. Thank you for joining me as I share the most intimate fragments of my mind.

My Life, a Collage of Near Death Experiences

written during the Summer of 2017

I keep getting almost hit by cars. I feel like I should lead with that.


In the past, I had a sort of anxiety about crossing the street (which I once wrote a fair amount about, but failed to publish). However, a few weeks ago, I almost got hit by a car and since then that fear has sort of dissolved.

How does fear materialize? Does it ever “de”materialize?

Messy Mania: July 13, 2018

messy mania july 13
Attribution: Eric Han

The word of the week is plethora, meaning an excessive amount or number. When I first learned this word, I used it ALL the time. Any chance I could get in an academic paper, I took. That was almost a decade ago, and now I’m here to share the very same word that started my obsession with particularizing locution.

What’s New On The Messy Life? July Updates

Thursday Thoughts: Working full time really wipes you out. It’s a wonder college students can juggle school, internships, jobs, and extracurricular activities. There’s something about doing the same task for hours on end, that is thoroughly exhausting.


21 Things That Made Life Worth Living in June

This month, I’m starting a new series that I am very excited about beginning. Life can be a real pain, and though there are struggles, there are also little moments that remind us life can be worth living. I want to start a collection of sorts - a monthly journal of moments, people, and things that made life worth living for me.

June was a hard month for me, for whatever reason, and I can definitely say that these small pieces of time made a world of difference.

Am I An Artist?

I first started blogging on Medium, back in June 2017. As I write this, a little over a month has come to pass. Today, 20-something reflective essays later, I am finally tired of writing about myself.

It feels like the right time, or more like the right time has passed, to explore new genres. I’ve tried my hand at poetry, and I want to stick with it, for poetry and I have a good thing going.

My Struggle with Mental Health + 4 Ways To Rebalance Your Mind

As you may know, May is Mental Health Awareness month. On this blog, I’ve talked about mental health quite a bit, from dealing with anxiety and symptoms of seasonal depression, to improving wellness overall. However, I have yet to take a moment to openly discuss my own struggle with mental health.

In America, over 18% of adults deal with mental health related issues each year. Keep in mind, this describes only the number of reported individuals, not including children and young adults.

We need to make ourselves aware about the realities of mental health, especially if we are going to continue using social platforms to champion advice on health and wellness. It's important to spread the right message to those who are listening around the world.

Are You Struggling to Be Authentic? Originality in the Digital Age

Authenticity is a hot topic in this day and age. It poses the question that lingers over our heads: Are we being true to ourselves? This proves more difficult to answer than it may seem.

How can one surely be authentic? It’s not like there’s a meter that can scan some intangible essence and return to us, an accurate authenticity score.

In this case, how can we even begin to define authenticity? It's about time we figure this out for ourselves.

Chasing Life: “Doing” is the Key to Growth

I haven’t shared on this blog in over two weeks, a fact which has tormented me every single day. It almost feels as if I have been gone for over a month, since the voice in the back of my mind continually reminds me that I am not getting anything done.

This isn’t true, because in that time I have packed, moved, and finished my finals, but for some reason, knowing this doesn’t help. I honestly couldn’t tell you what's more frustrating than that - having unproductive thoughts inform you that you’re not good enough, over and over again.

As a blogger, our socially driven landscape doesn’t help, because with each day that passes you can literally watch your engagement drop as your followers walk away. After working hard to build your platforms, there’s not much room in the way of positive reinforcement, when you need to take a break.

So what can we do about this?

Chasing Life: My Experience Getting A Conch Piercing

There is something liberating about change. Even if change means something as simple as getting a new conch piercing, it’s empowering to make a decision, follow through, and recreate life as you know it.

Everyone has that something, whether physical, mental, or social, that takes them to the next level. No matter how grand or how small, these are key moments in our lifelong development that will stand out for years to come.

What's your something?

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